3 "R"s
The traditional 3 "R"s of American education were reading, (w)riting and (a)rithmetic. In my day, these were viewed as the foundation of a good education. I know that modern theorists would disagree but I still believe that without this foundation education is impossible. However, this column doesn't deal with the traditional 3 "R"s. Instead, I want to deal with the Dalai Lama's 3 "R"s: Respect for Self, Respect for Others and Responsibility for All Your Actions.
Once again, I believe the Dalai Lama has captured an important element of a good life. In a few words, he has given us the basis for an entire philosophy of life. As I've argued before, the most important thing we can do is to help others and that to help others we must ourselves be strong. These 3 "R"s give us the same thought from a different perspective.
Respect for self is sometimes the hardest to achieve. I view self-respect as including self-confidence. For whatever reason, many people lack self-respect and self-confidence. They evidence this in various ways: by self-destructive conduct, by undue fear of taking the steps necessary to improve their lives. by undue reliance on others. I think the Dalai Lama may intend a different emphasis but I think self-respect includes taking positive steps to improve one's life, if it's lacking in some way, or being steadfast in maintaining present conditions, if our lives are satisfactory. At the very least, self-respect must include dignity and self-awareness. Don't confuse self-respect with the sin of pride. Self-respect helps us avoid the sin.
Respect for others is self-evidently an important aspect of a good life. It all comes back to courtesy and kindness. Perhaps it's as simple as thinking of others, of how we would like to be treated in the circumstances and treating others in this way. It doesn't mean subordinating one's own life to the interests of others. It simply means being nice.
The third "R" is, perhaps, the most important. While the Dalai Lama speaks of responsibility for actions, I believe the thought really applies to the results of actions. We live, today, in a culture of victimhood. People generally look to blame others for whatever happens to them. It's reflected in our litigation system, in our social systems, in our personal lives. The notion that if anything goes wrong it must be someone's fault is hard to accept. It's even harder to accept that it must always be someone else's fault. I think this constant impulse to blame others for every adverse event leads to horrible consequences. First, it is an impediment to improvement. If we are completely under the control of others, of the elusive "they", why bother to try to improve our lives, our society, the lives of others. Second, it creates a burden on the people blamed that is often unfair. And it takes away pride of accomplishment: If the bad things that happen to us are always the responsibility of someone else, doesn't it follow that the good things that happen to us are also out of our control, not of our making?.
Follow the Dalai Lama's three "R"s. Treat yourself and others well. Take responsibility for your life. Perhaps there's a circularity here and taking responsibility is the most important prerequisite to self-respect.
5-23-05
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