DILBERT
The comic strip "Dilbert" is always entertaining and often gives us surprising insights into the minds of office workers. In a recent strip, Dilbert attacks the unwritten rules that are so much a part of business. A character notes that transmission of rules by esp makes it difficult to honor the rules. In offices, this problem is a subset of the training issue I've discussed before: People need to know the rules they're expected to live by. For people to know the rules, the rules need to be communicated, at least orally. But it occurs to me that the same issue exists in personal life as well.
In both business and in personal life, unwritten rules are important and difficult to know without training. The unwritten rule concerning how close to stand to other people, which is different in different cultures, the unwritten rule concerning how loud to talk in various settings, the unwritten rules of dating are small examples of important, unwritten rules. These rules are learned from experience and if not learned can make one an outcast. A doctor once told me that poor vision in early childhood is a terrible handicap because the child can't learn the unwritten rules by observing others.
I'm often guilty of assuming that everyone knows what I want. I assume that it's so obvious what I (and everyone else also) want I need not express it. Maybe that's why I'm so often disappointed. It's not really a question of unwritten rules but of ignoring communication. Communication is the larger and more important issue that Dilbert reminds me of. All of us are sometimes guilty of poor communication. We don't reveal important aspects of ourselves and our personalities at times it would be useful for other people to know. We don't express our goals and needs and wishes when to express them might lead to fulfillment. We don't correct mistakes when to do so would make others' lives easier. We remain silent when a word would solve a problem. We hide when openness would improve our lives.
We all fear saying too much. We all fear opening ourselves to attack as meddlers, appearing overly critical when correcting mistakes, leaving ourselves vulnerable to criticism as failures when we admit our goals. Like everything else in life, the only answer is to confront the problem directly, overcome our fears, do what we think is right no matter what the risks and communicate information that will help us and others. We'll help others to help us (and themselves). We'll also help ourselves directly by defining our goals more clearly, learning important things about ourselves.
11-18-02
Home Page 2002 Archives 2001 Archives 2000 Archives 1999 Archives