Lost Words
"Please". "Thank you." "You're welcome." "May I help you?" "Please excuse me." "I'm sorry."
When I was young, these words of courtesy, of ordinary good manners, were part of everyday life. Parents and teachers and other authority figures drummed these words into us. Every shopping trip featured these words . When I worked for my own grandfather, I would have been fired for forgetting these words. Now, I rarely hear these words. They're the lost words of the end of the century. What happened?
Good manners are the lubricant of social interaction. They reduce the inevitable friction of everyday life. These lost words are the outward manifestation of concern for others: friends, family, strangers alike. Without this minimal show of concern for others, we become more and more separated from them.
Are we too busy? The words take only seconds to say. Are they outmoded, victims of the speed and mobility of the modern age? I've noticed that people seem to appreciate hearing these words even today. In fact, use of these words has led to better tables at restaurants, better parking spaces, help in carrying packages and compliments from people at golf courses. When I hear these words, I want to deal with the speaker in a friendly way. It may be that we view courtesy as a weakness or it may be that the discourteous actually intend rudeness and unpleasantness. It could be that we have become so resistant to strangers that we fear courtesy will lead to unwanted attention. Or perhaps we think we lose something if our courtesy is not reciprocated.
Courtesy is contagious. If we all remember to use these words in all situations we may receive a few blank stares or even a few growls. But eventually other people will remember to use these words and it will become easier. If universal courtesy were suddenly to appear, life would be easier. Most importantly, these little signs of concern for others would make us feel better about ourselves. We'd be proud that, without any guarantees of reward, we tried in a small way to make other people feel better. Even if the people we meet don't change their ways, we lose nothing: Use of the lost words is free.
Please say thank you when anyone helps you, even if it seems silly. Use it when a toll collector takes your money. Use it when the supermarket checker gives you your change. Please say I'm sorry or excuse me when you cross someone's path or accidentally bump into someone. Please look for opportunities to help others feel better and thereby feel better about yourself.
8-30-99
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