IT'S MY TURN
I often hear people speak of "my turn", ask "when will it be my turn", believe that they are entitled to "their turn". They mean that they have missed something in life, something they needed or wanted, something to which they feel entitled. By their turn, they mean achievement of some goal they have so far failed to reach, some desire not yet satisfied, a turn to get something from life they haven't yet had. It could be a happy interpersonal relationship, a success in a hobby or sport, financial reward, business success, a helping hand, public acclaim, private compliments. Sometimes people use these phrases speaking of revenge. In all of these cases, the notion of a turn assumes that we will get everything we want, need, hope for, anticipate. I believe that this belief leads in some cases to passive waiting and in some cases to a feeling of betrayal, of being cheated by life, in each case unhealthy behavior.
We're not owed anything in life. We can't idly sit and wait for things, hoping that our wants will fall from the sky, that our needs will be satisfied without our efforts. We can't expect that someone else will provide for us if we don't work for what we want. Maybe we'll be lucky and receive something without effort but we'll usually be disappointed if we rely solely on luck. We must identify our priorities and do what we can to achieve them. In that way, we maximize our chances of getting where we want to be.
Even worse than passivity is bitterness when we don't get what we want. The habit of expecting reward without effort often leads to unhappiness, a feeling of betrayal, the thought of undeserved failure. We must accept that the effort to get what we want, doing our best to be a good person, striving to hit our targets are the important things. The only reason for us to feel badly is that we didn't try or that we didn't try hard enough.
It will be our turn when we can look back on maximum effort, on doing the best we can. If we passively wait for our turn, the chances for a good life will slip away and our turn will have passed without our noticing.
1-22-01