Abalone (Hong Kong 3) + new picture added to scrapbook
As a child, I always looked forward to an abalone dinner. It was always part of an evening out, at the same restaurant every week or so. Although I didn't give method of preparation a second thought as a child, I now know it was pounded thin and breaded and appeared a beautiful golden brown. In those days, every meal came with baked potatoes and vegetables. As with most things, the things we like as children are the standard. The things we experience later in life are always judged with reference to our childhood standards. It's been difficult to find abalone on California menus in recent years. I don't know all the reasons but I understand that protection of the sea otter has something to do with the shortage. If that's correct, I wish someone would find a way to restore abalone to menus without harming the sea otter.
When I was in Hong Kong, I received a "tip" that a particular restaurant served abalone. I naturally insisted that we go there. I had visions of the same dinner I had as a child: breaded abalone with all the "fixings". This abalone was completely different. First, it was a different sub-species. Second, the preparation was completely different from what I subconsciously expected; when it was brought to the table, I didn't even recognize it as abalone. I politely ate it but I must say I was disappointed. I thought about two things after this experience. One, I probably shouldn't be thinking about recapturing my childhood at a restaurant. Even if the abalone was identical to my childhood favorite, it probably wouldn't be the same. But more important, I thought about preparation for experiences. I thought about the need to learn before making assumptions about a different culture.
Had I prepared myself, I could have had a more enjoyable dinner. I could have known that the abalone I was ordering would not be the same as I ate as a child. I could have learned what was coming and either welcomed and appreciated it or avoided it altogether. That's the thing we should all think about: If we don't make the effort to learn about what we're asking for, whether in a restaurant, in traveling or in life, we have nothing to complain about when we don't like it. If we don't understand how our wishes will be translated by someone else, we must not be surprised by what we get.
We are all prone to make the (usually false) assumption that wherever we go things will be same as we're used to. We assume that everyone knows what we want, whether or not we make any effort to explain it. What's more, some of us complain when our assumptions turn out to be false. Instead of welcoming and appreciating differences, instead of examining our own behavior, we carp and complain. It's silly when we think about it: Someone gives us the best they have to offer, the best their situation allows, the very thing we ask for, and we complain about it.
Think before you ask for something and then either ask or don't ask. But don't complain. Appreciate differences. Look at what you get from the standpoint of the giver. You'll be happier and, it almost goes without saying, so will the people you're dealing with.
12-12-05
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