Active-Passive
We all know people who actively participate in life, enthusiastically looking for challenges, for new friends, for improvements in their life, for fun. We all also know people who are passive, who sit back and wait for things to happen, who refuse to "stick their necks out", who shrink from activities which might require effort.
While it is pretty obvious who is most likely to gain his or her desires, it is interesting to think about why the passive behave as they do. Some are shy: The shy would like to participate, to embrace life, to search for what's missing from their lives, to be outgoing but they are unable to do so. When carried to extremes, shyness leads to complete withdrawal, which eliminates any chance of meeting people, which leads to feelings of rejection and so the shyness is reinforced.
Others are defeatist. They have all the skills necessary to achieve their goals, to meet people, to succeed in the workplace, to enjoy sports or whatever hobby interests them, but they convince themselves they are doomed to failure so why try. Defeatists also find their feelings reinforced because failure to try inevitably leads to defeat.
Still another group of the passive are lazy. They find the effort required to achieve a goal to much for them, they are unwilling to work for anything. Sometimes these lazy people appear quite comfortable in their passivity but the lazy people I've know sooner or later regret their lack of achievement and miss the rewards work could have brought them.
Finally, there is a large group of people who for whatever reason have never acquired the skills, whether social, work-related or other, to seek what they want. This lack of skills is, unfortunately, also self-reinforcing. The inability to pursue goals in a skilled, efficient manner makes it difficult ever to acquire the necessary skills and experience.
I've spent a good part of my life trying to motivate the passive, to encourage activity, to teach the skills, to reward activity in a way which doesn't lead to a return to comfortable passivity. I haven't found a universal answer. Some people need only the friendly support of another person to turn to activity. Others need constant reinforcement and "cheerleading" to stay active. Still others need immediate gratification to avoid feeling defeated. Some need all of these things in different measures and at different stages of their lives. But the one thing all of the passive people I've know have in common is that they do respond to something, they can be helped, they can be made to see the advantages of activity in improving their lives.
It's a challenge to seek out the passive and make them active and, in our busy lives, we probably don't need new challenges. But the joy of helping someone to achieve goals makes up for a lot of inconvenience. And, as in everything I write about, helping others helps you. Maybe the active effort to help someone is the activity you need to achieve your goals.
3-13-00
Archives 2000 Archives 1999 Archives