ANGER
Anger seems to be more and more common in our society. We read of (and experience) road rage, anger in our workplaces, anger in our schools, homes and theaters: Wherever we go, we encounter angry people. This anger, more or less violent in expression, arising from real or imagined slights, offenses, misconduct, differences in people of other ages, races, sexes, modes of dress and the like, often appears baseless and is therefore more frightening. Expressions of anger are more and more often misdirected, directed at people who have nothing whatever to do with the cause of the anger. Where does all this anger come from and what do we do about it?
Our society is experiencing major changes and I believe the stress which inevitably accompanies change is a major cause of anger. We can no longer rely on history to guide us; it seems that we must confront a different world every day! I had a friend who noted that we were always told as schoolchildren that the one thing nobody could ever take away from you is your education- now your legislature, your city council, your employer, the rapid changes occurring in society can take away your education and unsettle everything you relied on to get you through each day.
When I was a young man, I was often angry: I was angry at people who got in my way on the sidewalk, I was angry at co-workers who interfered with my progress, I was angry at women and men, young and old, neighbors and strangers. In looking back, I realize that I was taking the old adage that if you're not with me, you're against me to an extreme. Since I wasn't getting what I wanted, I blamed and was therefore angry at everyone.
As I grew older, two solutions to my anger presented themselves. The first was the realization that anger only made things worse, that my anger only hurt me. When a reaction only makes things worse, we need to change the reaction. The second was related to the first, the conscious effort to control my anger. I discovered that if I could control the expression of anger, the anger dissipated and that if the anger dissipated I could more easily deal with the problem that lead to my anger. By not giving in to my anger and joining in violent confrontations, I became less and less angry, to the point where I never got angry at all. And by giving up anger, I not only found that I could solve problems more easily, I had fewer problems to solve.
I wish I could give to everyone an inner voice, a voice which constantly repeats calm down, don't be angry, cool off, count to ten, bite your tongue or whatever words work to reduce anger. The lives of all of us who would otherwise be the target of anger would be better. Perhaps more importantly, the lives of the people who would otherwise be angry would be better. Since I don't have the ability to give that voice, the most I can do is write this: Don't be angry. It hurts you by making it more difficult to solve problems and causing new problems. Be cool. You'll be happier and feel better about your friends and neighbors, bosses and co-workers, people you see on the street, other drivers, in fact, everyone, including yourself.
10-25-99 [RIP Payne Stewart. We'll miss you.]
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