Change
I've never been completely comfortable with change. I have often felt threatened by change, wishing that things could remain the same or even go back to a by-gone time. Some changes in my life have been unpleasant and, although some changes have been pleasant, I've had a hard time accepting even the pleasant changes. I guess I've feared that even the pleasant changes would sour and become unpleasant. I've known successful people who take the opposite view: They welcome change, urge others to love change and actively look for positive change. I've come to believe that one of the reasons for their success has been this attitude toward change. I think that my fear of change has hindered me, has, until recently, kept me from looking for positive changes.
Dianne Hales recently wrote an article about underachievement in my favorite Sunday supplement. She gives good advice about how to get ourselves back on track when we're faced with this and other problems. One bit of good advice really hit home with me, crystallizing many of the thoughts I've been having about change. She urges using the language of change. She cites a psychologist who notes that saying such things as "I'll try" is self-defeating. Saying "I will" helps you to accomplish desirable change. Feeling positive about making good changes (and accepting change, for that matter) will make everything easier, will help us avoid fear of change, fear of failure.
There's little question that a positive, optimistic spirit helps us in life. It helps us live as we want to live, it helps us live through bad times and it helps the people we deal with feel better about us and themselves. In fact, I think that without optimism we can't move forward. If we think only about the bad our fears will paralyze us, keep us from moving forward at all. If we bring optimism to our lives we can't help but improve, or at least keep going in the face of problems. As Ms. Hales notes, optimism will help us make the changes in ourselves we need to do the best we can.
But there's something more in what Ms. Hales says: In order to maximize our potential, to fulfill our potential, we need to recognize that we are responsible for our lives. We can't rely on happy accidents, family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers or anyone other than ourselves to make our lives happy and successful. We need to set goals and do what it takes to achieve them. We need to take our natural qualities and use them or enhance them as necessary to get where we want to go. It's not an excuse to say the circumstances of our births or lack of natural talent or events are controlling. We must make changes as necessary, be firm in our resolve to control our own lives and proceed, optimistically, to do what we want to do.
There's nothing wrong with re-examining our goals, or resting periodically, or seeking help from others, but the ultimate responsibility for our lives rests with us. Don't fear change but seek out changes which will help you, which will enhance your life. In that way, you'll be better off and everyone around you will benefit.
4-19-04
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