CIVILITY(2)
I've written before about civility, about the benefits of courtesy, about the rudeness we all encounter, about how to respond positively and make all our lives better. I have to confess that I haven't noticed a tidal wave of civility, that in fact I still encounter rudeness almost every day. I wasn't surprised, then, by two articles I read recently. Both dealt with the pain caused to others by incivility.
The first, about a high school student's website, caused one mother to argue that the anonymity of the internet led to increased incivility. The other, about rudeness in the workplace, describes the bad effects of rudeness on morale, whether the rudeness comes from bosses, co-workers or customers. Both discussed the negative emotions leading to rudeness: resentment, anger, self-obsession, thoughtlessness, stupidity.
Rudeness is hard to take. It wears on us, it leads to depression, it makes us think of retaliation. Rudeness is entirely negative, both to the giver and the recipient. While there are people who regard rudeness as toughness, or motivational, who consciously adopt a rude persona, over time these rude boors learn that the opposite is true. Rudeness is a sign of weakness, of inability to motivate, of thoughtlessness and it is demotivating. Rudeness makes everything more difficult, more unpleasant, for both parties to a transaction. It is stressful to both parties.
There's only one answer to rudeness: civility. If we can find the strength to meet rudeness with civility it's a complete answer. It will disarm the rude, embarrass them, make them examine their conduct, make them realize that whatever caused the rudeness wasn't solved by rudeness. It will make us feel good, make us "better" than the rude person. If we meet rudeness with rudeness, we exacerbate the problem. Rudeness which meets rudeness increases the stress on all side, solves nothing, makes things worse.
Be civil in all circumstances. It costs us nothing, makes us feel better about ourselves and usually defuses a tense situation. It's just another example of thoughtfulness and kindness applied to a common problem. Thoughtfulness, kindness, civility will overcome all bad conduct, at least for ourselves.
10-15-01
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