Common(?) Decency
Regular readers will know how interested I am in courtesy and consideration. They will also know that I believe that there is a significant and obvious decline in these virtues lately. I was in a crowded elevator going to work one day when a young woman entered with a backpack. She thought nothing of hitting me with the backpack as she entered and shoving the backpack into my stomach as she settled into her place in the elevator. She not only did nothing to apologize, not even a gesture, she did nothing to acknowledge that she had done anything impolite. Not that this single incident proves my thesis, but I can say with certainty that this would not have happened in even the recent past. And not just because backpacks are a recent development. In even the recent past, the young woman would have considered whether entry with a backpack would produce discomfort and tried to avoid it or, if that was impossible for some reason, would have apologized with a word or gesture.
My belief in the decline of courtesy and consideration was confirmed by a recent article in a favorite magazine. The author speaks of a different country but his thoughts are equally applicable to my own. He speaks of consideration, courtesy and kindness. He speaks of honor, courage, commitment and loyalty. He speaks of the traits we used to describe as "decent". He speaks of the opposite traits, of hostility, aggressiveness, of coarseness. We used to speak of common decency, of decent behavior.
People used to strive to behave decently. People used to pride themselves on playing fair. We used to share standards of conduct, of behavior, standards that most people viewed as appropriate. I've tried to understand why things have changed so dramatically and I've developed an answer, or at least a thread of thinking that may lead to an answer.
I think that the most important precursor to decency is responsibility. If we feel responsible for others, if we feel we have a duty to make others' lives better, if we feel that helping others is important, then we will inevitably behave in a decent manner. We will be courteous, considerate and kind. I've long believed that we can create common decency simply by modifying our behavior, by acting in accordance with the definition of decency. Now I think we must add another element. We must accept that we are responsible for others, that we owe others good behavior.
Accept that we are all responsible for others, respect others (and ourselves) and decency will be a part of us. If we accept that helping others, in whatever way we can, is important, common decency will no longer be an oxymoron.
2-7-05
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