Contentment
I remember when I was young and I wanted to change everything about my life: My friends, My family, My Job, My house, My body, My clothes, My surroundings. I actually tried to change some of these things. I ignored my friends and family, I moved, I bought new clothes, I changed jobs, I tried to exercise. I wasn't any happier. Then I realized that no matter what I changed I was still there. The only way to change my life was to change me.
When I approached the problem with this perspective, the path was clear. I began to pay attention to my friends and tried to be a better friend to them. My friends got better. I accepted that my family was not going to change and enjoyed its differences. I worked smarter at my job: I found new co-workers who I valued, customers who valued me and better tools. I stopped worrying about the people who made the job a misery. Not only did my job become more fun, even some of the people who used to drive me crazy became better co-workers and customers, some even became friends. I accepted my body, deliberately valued my house and took pride in my clothes.
I now think about this process as the journey to contentment: The key is learning to enjoy what you have. A Sunday newspaper columnist quoted a great writer as saying that success is getting what you want while happiness is wanting what you get. I define contentment in the same way, as acceptance of and pleasure in what you have. It doesn't mean you stop trying to make things better or that your ambition is suddenly eliminated. It means that with contentment you will be happier, you will do a better job in making things better and in so doing you will be a better person. It also incidentally means that failure is easier to accept because it's no longer failure, it's success deferred..
I had a friend who worked at a repetitive job, a boring job, a job which nobody else wanted: He decided to try his best to do the job better than anyone else and enjoy it. His whole life changed for the better and he got a promotion, a chance to get out of the reviled, boring, repetitive job. He turned it down, because contentment was worth more to him than the promotion. He was a wise man.
(9-6-99)
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