CONTRADICTION
[A friend recommended Baltasar Gracian's The Art of Worldly Wisdom. Gracian was a Spanish scholar of the 17th century who set forth a series of maxims for ethical action. From time to time I'll write about one of his maxims.]
Gracian advises us "do not nourish the spirit of contradiction". Contradiction means stating the opposite, denial of what someone else says. Sometimes it is legitimate argument, sometimes it is merely to dispute for dispute's sake, sometimes it is appropriate, timely intellectual disagreement, sometimes it is sheer rudeness or meanness.
Gracian advises that prudence should guard against contradiction because it tends to be used only against friends. This is because we're more likely to have the opportunity to contradict friends and friends are more likely to listen to us. He notes that contradiction often arises from the desire to appear clever, to amuse oneself at the expense of another. He doesn't suggest that we must passively accept error in others or that there is never a time for contradiction, simply that we should consider the situation and our motives before contradicting another person. If our motive is educational or supportive, contradiction is appropriate. Similarly, if contradiction occurs in a situation where everyone accepts friendly argument, where everyone is able to participate at the same level, where no one is hurt, where contradiction is expected, we can feel free to contradict.
The problem arises when we have a motive to hurt another person, to show ourselves smarter than the other person. The problem arises when we contradict a friend who, however misinformed, makes statements which are unimportant or immaterial, statements which are part of casual conversation, when contradiction would embarrass the other person, when an obvious mistake arose from a slip of the tongue or a momentary lapse in concentration. In these cases, Gracian correctly advises that we have nothing to gain from contradiction. In these cases, whether intentionally or not, we not only risk hurting the other person, we hurt ourselves.
Any time we hurt someone else, we lose. When we hurt someone else for no good reason, when we hurt someone thoughtlessly, we lose doubly. When we contradict a friend we may lose the friend and we certainly lose the opportunity to help another person, as by privately suggesting a correction or source of more information.
Guard against contradiction: Contradict another person only when it is appropriate and helpful.
2-5-01
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