CONTRASTS
I continue to think about contrasts, old and new, old and young, light and dark, good and bad. Two of the websites I frequent mentioned this theme in passing, one talking about rich and poor and the other about how we are treated differently for doing the same things at different ages. One mentioned that you can appreciate riches more if you were once poor and the other spoke of reading when guests came to visit in her early childhood. She remembered how delighted her family was when she read at family occasions as a child and how rude they would think her if she did the same thing now. Coincidentally, I had lunch with two old friends and we spoke of similar things. We asked one another whether things were more fun twenty years ago or whether if we were the same age now as we were twenty years ago we would think things are more fun now.
Looked at more broadly, my friends and the websites were speaking of change, of aging, of contrasts. They were speaking of perceptions, both how we perceive things and how others perceive us. I had two thoughts: One, good and bad depends a lot on age. When you're young, everything seems better. When we're young, we're more optimistic, we enjoy things more. As we age, the same thing seems worse to us. I think it's why the aging are often accused of wrongly stating that things were better "back when". I find myself guilty of this: I often tell younger people how much better things were twenty, thirty, forty years ago. I wish people would remind me of this column when I do that again.
Quite recently, I had the opportunity to review a school essay written by a young friend that reminded me of advice I gave him last year. I said stay young in thought, don't become jaded, find fun in every situation. You'll be better off and everyone around you will enjoy themselves more as well. I think that this is my resolution for 2003: Quit thinking about the past as better, look forward to better things yet to come, use the past as a building block that will help us to enjoy things in the present.
The other thing I was reminded to work on derives from the obvious: We need to be more sensitive to how age affects others' perception of us. In some ways, this contrasts with my earlier thought. It's so easy to appear ridiculous when we try to "think young". A few weeks ago I jokingly mentioned dancing to a young woman in my office. I was surprised at her negative reaction. I was merely trying to look forward as if I were still young. She apparently received my joke as inappropriate to my age. Our expectations of others are at least partially based on age, or maybe age differences. Even though I pledge to stay young in thought, I plan to keep the thought to myself unless I am sure how it will be received.
Recognize the effect of age on the way we look at things and recognize the effect of age on how we are perceived. Think young but speak and act in a way that matches others' perception of our chronological ages. In that way, we'll experience all the pleasures of finding more fun in our daily lives and avoid appearing ridiculous.
1-6-03
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