EXPECTATIONS
That boy is the class clown. That girl can't play the violin. That woman can't get to work on time. That man can't follow the simplest instructions.
That boy is going to go far. That girl is working hard on the violin. That woman is a great mother. That man does a good job once it's explained to him.
How often do we find that people live up to our expectations. When we have negative expectations, people live up to them. When we think that people can't do the job, they can't. When we think that people will be unpleasant, mean, inefficient, weak, rude, angry, they are. How smart we are! But when we think that people can do the job, they can. When we think that people will be nice, kind, skilled, strong, polite, calm, they are. How smart we are!
It happens too often to be a coincidence that people meet our expectations, good or bad. There are at least three reasons why people meet our expectations. One reason is that people try to live up to others' expectations. The class clown comes to believe that others want him to be a clown. The weak person believes that people want her to be weak. The angry person thinks that his behavior is appropriate. A second reason is that we encourage others to meet our expectations. Because we want our expectations to be met, we try to be sure. We don't give the person we expect to be inefficient the help needed to be efficient. We treat the person we expect to be unpleasant in an unpleasant way. We treat the person we expect to be polite in a courteous manner. We help the worker we expect to be good respectfully. A third reason is that we look at every action of others consistently with our expectations. When two people do exactly the same thing, we find weakness if we expect the person to be weak, we find strength if we expect the person to be strong. When a person we believe is kind thanks us we think "how nice". When a person we believe is mean thanks us we look for hidden motives, we try to reconcile the behavior with our expectations.
The lesson is clear. If we expect the best from our fellow students, workers, social companions, people we encounter on the street, we'll get the best. If we expect the worst, we'll get the worst. Until you're proved wrong, assume that other people will do their work, be nice, act courteously, treat you kindly. And wait until all the evidence is in before you believe you've been proved wrong.
10-11-99
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