FORGETTING
[A friend recommended Baltasar Gracian's The Art of Worldly Wisdom. Gracian was a Spanish scholar of the 17th century who set forth a series of maxims for ethical action. From time to time I'll write about one of his maxims.]
Gracian notes that the things we remember best are those better forgotten and advises that we remember pleasure and forget pain. He reminds us how hard it is to put unpleasant memories away. There is something in all of us that makes us remember unpleasant things. Is that a bad thing? Don't we need to remember the unpleasant to do better in the future? Don't we need to remember pain to avoid the painful later? If small children don't remember dangers they will continually endanger themselves. Isn't it the same for all of us? If we continually repeat our errors, we will continually hurt ourselves.
Another thing that makes me differ from Gracian in this (rare) instance is that we all tend to put the best face on the past. In general, we tend to remember things as better than they were, to remember enjoying things more than we actually did. But I guess Gracian still has a point because making things seem better than they were doesn't necessarily make them pleasant.
I think Gracian is warning us about dwelling on the past, letting our mood be set by unpleasant things in the past, refusing to remember good things that would help us live optimistically. If we only remember bad things, we think everything is and will be bad. If we only remember good things, we can more easily anticipate good things to come. We still need to learn from the past, we still need to avoid foolhardiness, but we'd all be better off if we looked ahead with enthusiasm, with the thought that the good things of the past will come to us again. At any age, hope is the best cure for bad feelings.
It's a hard balance to strike but we must do it. Learn from the past, learn from our mistakes, try not to repeat ourselves in causing ourselves pain. But at the same time, don't dwell on the past, look forward, try to remember the good things of the past. In that way, we'll feel better, be more optimistic, and we'll make fewer mistakes in our quest to live better lives.
2-3-03
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