HAPPIEST GUY
A Sunday supplement undertook to identify the happiest person in America. The article I read listed the core principles for happiness from a happiness authority from the University of Pennsylvania. The happiest guy (because it was a man that the supplement identified) then commented on the principles. Finally, a doctor added his comments. I'm always looking for new approaches, better answers, so I was very interested to read and think about the article.
There were many things to think about but one, from the doctor, really hit home. His observation was that no one can define happiness for us. It's our life and the only definition of happiness that counts is our own. Looking to the goals of other people, looking to others' definition of success, trying to meet the expectations of others, will not lead to happiness. Only if we understand ourselves and our own needs and seek happiness on our own terms can we be happy.
This is true of every aspect of life. Where and how we live, what hobbies we pursue, what friends we have, even what constitutes professional success are all aspects of happiness and only we can decide what is best for us. Some will thrive in the city, some in the country, some will enjoy stamp collecting, others ice skating, some will benefit from a few, close friendships, others will be more comfortable with a large group. Some of us will be happy rising to the top in a large organization, others will enjoy remaining a "big frog in a small puddle". Still others will be happy as cogs in a wheel, remaining relatively anonymous, others will seek stardom, fame, peer recognition.
No one can decide which of the many choices is best for us. Parents, friends, colleagues will inevitably have their own definition of happiness in mind when they advise us, try to influence our choices. We should listen, because we may learn something, but we have to make our own choices. Constructive criticism may teach us, but we're the ultimate judges of our own happiness. Only we can define the conditions of happiness for ourselves.
Other can help find the path, draw a map to achieving happiness as defined by us. Take all the advice you can find about how to overcome or avoid obstacles, how to smooth the way. But don't listen when someone tries to impose his or her definition of happiness.
3-31-03
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