Hate to Lose
I've often watched the American professional golfer Phil Mickelson and wondered why someone with his enormous talent doesn't win more often. I was watching an ad on television and suddenly the answer struck me. He said in the ad that he doesn't so much like to win as he hates to lose. To win in competition, to achieve a goal, you must love to win, you must take pleasure in the achievement. I think everyone hates to lose but that's not enough to justify the effort required to win. If a win doesn't bring pleasure, the effort won't be sufficiently rewarded. Moreover, the effort will often turn to avoiding loss rather than winning, thus reducing the chances of winning.
The effort to win in anything, whether a sport, a game, or life, requires enormous energy. And the reward for winning must include personal satisfaction or it's not worth it. If your energy is directed to avoiding losing, the effort will bring no satisfaction, no reward. We can avoid loss by avoiding the effort altogether. If our only concern is avoiding losing, why bother to compete?
To put it another way, avoiding failure is a poor motivator. The best way to avoid failure is to avoid doing anything, to avoid trying. If we don't try, we will avoid all pain, all disappointment. Of course, we will also avoid all reward for success, all satisfaction in achievement. I don't know how to create the feeling of pleasure in achievement, in success, in winning. But I know we have to do it. We have to find a way to revel in winning, to take pleasure in achievement. It may be as simple as admitting to ourselves that we care.
Take pleasure in achievement, take pleasure in the game, win or lose. Accept that losing is sometimes the result of trying and keep trying. In that way, we'll make the most of our lives.
10-25-04
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