HELP
When I was young and working very hard, seemingly drowning in paper, beset by external demands, I often responded poorly to further requests. When a co-worker asked for my assistance, I resented it. I viewed the interruption as abusive, the request as stemming from laziness, from incompetence. I responded in an unkind way, in a way designed to make the co-worker uncomfortable for having asked. Thinking back, I now see that one of my motives was self-aggrandizement, an ungenerous desire to build self-worth by making another feel unworthy. I now see that generosity in helping others also helps me.
Requests for help stem from many desires: The desire to learn, the desire to do better, the desire to participate, the desire for social interaction. While some of these desires could be viewed as selfish, some of them are giving in nature: The desire to learn and do better is in part the desire to do more for others. The desire for social interaction and participation includes the desire to benefit others.
Requests for help are also compliments to the recipient: Requests for help in effect say to the recipient that he or she is better at something, has more knowledge, is worthy of respect. So how can we fail to respond willingly and cheerfully? How can we not accept the praise implicit in a request for help?
The answer lies in the traditional virtues of kindness, enthusiasm, courtesy: We can't refuse a genuine request for help. We can't abandon kindness and courtesy in the face of a plea for help. No matter how busy we are, we must respond enthusiastically to the call for help. As I've said many times, to help others is to help ourselves. And even if we can't help, we can be supportive and kind. Help others as best you can; you'll help yourself most of all.
7-10-00
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