HEROES
When we think of heroes, we often think of mythological figures, medieval knights, sports figures, winners of great battles. We rarely think of the quiet heroes: the men and women who display heroism in their daily lives, who strive for the best for the family and friends, who, with great courage, set out to change the world in small ways. Now, Mr. Gary Hale, a former Connecticut legislator, has created a website (http://yourtruehero.org) to celebrate the unsung hero. Mr. Hale's site celebrates "good and decent people who quietly go about their jobs, seeking neither praise nor celebrity, but each making the world a little better by their efforts". He presents the quiet heroes, the men and women who, collectively, make all of our lives better by their work, their wisdom, their bravery in the face of the slings and arrows we all encounter in our lives, by serving as an example to us all.
I learned of this site through a Wall Street Journal article written by Sue Shellenbarger. She writes of a scholarship contest for under 25-year-olds based on their stories about their true hero. She was pleased, as I am, that so many of the contestants looked to the inner virtues of their heroes, such virtues as honesty, humility, respect, kindness, rather than worldly successes.
It's good to know that there are many people who not only praise these traditional virtues but are able to identify them among the people they know. If we but look around, we all know these people: The working parent, the single parent, the immigrants, the day laborer, the struggling small businessman, the teacher, the adoptive parent. All of these bring special virtues to their daily lives: Kindness, independence, patience, hard work, honesty, and more. From time to time, I intend to identify and write about the heroic people in my life. In this column, I want to write about my grandmother.
My grandmother was born in 1890 in a small town in the American Midwest. Her father was a quiet, gentle man who struggled to make a living and decided to try something new in California. He and the rest of his family came by train and began farming. They survived but the struggle continued. My grandmother married and bore a child, my mother, only to lose her husband, my grandfather, to a respiratory disease. She had little opportunity for formal education but she was an avid reader as time permitted. She worked hard to support herself and her child, commuting by horse cart. Later she remarried and worked in her new husband's business. During World War II, she welcomed family members, including my mother and me, and stretched the family food and money to make everyone comfortable. She was far from a competitive person but she enjoyed weekly auction bridge games with the same friends for almost 60 years, until the friends became enfeebled. She continued to work until she was well into her 70's, living alone after her second husband died in 1958, and continued to welcome the family for Sunday dinner until she was 86. She died in 1981 at the ripe age of 90.
The most important things I remember about my grandmother were her unfailing cheerfulness and optimism and her kindness to everyone she met. There was no trouble which got my grandmother down, there was no burden she found too heavy, there was no one she failed to respect, there was no time that she thought of herself over others. I can remember many of my grandmother's sayings. One of the most memorable to me was a common response to my complaints about the food. As a child, I always wanted something different or something more. When I made that known, she always said "Well, we've never gone hungry."
As a child, I didn't fully understand what she meant but, as an adult, I've often thought about that statement and believe I finally understand what she meant. I believe she was telling me to look to the important things in life, not the frills and luxuries, to respect her efforts, to be grateful, to accept reality. Whatever she may have meant, these are the lessons I've taken since and the use I've made of her words when I've cited them to others. These are pretty good lessons from these simple words and lessons she confirmed in the way she lived her life. In the way of many who look back on missed opportunities, I wish I could have spoken to her with the understanding I have now. I could have learned more easier and faster if I'd paid more attention to her life and her words. My grandmother, a genuine hero.
7-23-01
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