Honesty
I've written before about honor, the quality of honesty and integrity in one's actions. At that time, I argued that honor requires honesty with oneself, especially in taking responsibility for one's actions. When confronted with a problem, it's common these days to look for someone to blame. I don't believe that's a useful reaction. A favorite columnist recently wrote about the same issue in the context of education. He noted that many of us have a tendency to blame educational institutions for not teaching us important lessons of life. Even though the institutions may have done their best to teach us, even though we may not have listened to our teachers, even though the lessons become obvious later in life, we look back at our formal education and blame others for not teaching us important lessons. Even though we have had plenty of time to learn the lessons on our own, we still blame others for not teaching them to us.
This is a mistake for at least two reasons. One, looking for someone to blame
distracts us from moving forward, solving problems for ourselves, making the
best of our lives. Instead of trying to solve the problem,
to correct whatever led to the problem, to move forward with our lives, we waste
time in looking for someone to blame.
Two, at some point in our lives, we must recognize that we're in charge. After
our earliest formative years, we're the only ones to blame for any perceived deficiencies
in our lives.
Some of us may have had advantages in our upbringing. Perhaps we had a better
education. Perhaps we had a lucky break early in our lives. Perhaps we had
better support groups. It doesn't matter. We still have the responsibility to do our
best. And so do those who didn't have these advantages.
Honesty with ourselves requires accepting responsibility. Be honest. Move forward. Learn from the past but look to the future. That's the only to feel better about yourself. And that's the only way we can help others to make their lives better.
10- 9-06
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