HONOR
Honor is the quality of honesty and integrity in one's actions. To act honorably is to act honestly, without deceit. When I think of honorable people I know, I think of people who are honest in their dealings with others, with their friends and families, with their business associates, with everyone they encounter. But most importantly, when I think of honor, I think of honesty with oneself. To me, honor is impossible to find in someone who refuses to look in the mirror and recognize his or her own shortcomings. It is inconsistent in my mind for someone to purport to act with honor and at the same time fail to look inside, to look for failings, mistakes, to fail to seek improvement in his or her character. This is because so much dishonesty, so many failures to treat others with honesty and integrity stem from ego, from the desire to blame others for unpleasant outcomes, from an excessive self-love. A person who blames others for everything wrong, who generally accepts responsibility only for good outcomes is not honest. Even if such a person speaks the truth, given the facts he or she sees, the person is behaving dishonestly.
Every day we see people who blame others for problems. The driver who is late for an appointment and takes out anger on the other drivers on the road, the co-worker who blames others for mistakes, the friend who backbites when unhappy, the family member who expects rewards without effort, the boss who refuses to accept responsibility for decisions which produce an unfortunate result. All of these people are acting dishonestly, without honor, because they are unable or unwilling to look inside, to accept that we all bear responsibility for what happens to us. The late driver could have left home earlier, the co-worker could try harder or with different techniques, the friend could be nicer to others, the family worker could look only for appropriate treatment, the boss could proudly recognize that a decision was wrong, and thereby avoid making the same mistake in the future.
I urge that we all act honorably by accepting responsibility, in whatever measure is appropriate, for our problems. Of course, others may treat us unjustly, angrily, we may have been born with handicaps not shared by others, we may not have had the opportunities others have. Others may indeed share the blame for unfortunate events. But this only means that we have to strive to avoid the unjust, the angry, to try harder, to do our best. And what really matters anyway is doing our best, not how we compare to others in a given pursuit. If we honestly appraise ourselves and our performance, if we try, we will achieve, we will do our best, we will act honestly toward others. Only then can we be honorable.
5-8-00