I LOVE YOU
How much we want to hear (and believe) those words. How much we want to say (and mean) those words. How easily some people say those words. But what do they mean? Are they the same as "I like you" or "I am attracted to you"? Do they mean the same when said to a grandmother, to a child, to a pet, to a friend, to a close friend? Unfortunately, to many people these words mean nothing: To many people, these words are simply an invitation to be used by the declarer. How did these simple words become ambiguous, even false?
The desire to love and be loved seems to be a universal want, if not a need. I believe the desire forms the basis for much human conduct. Psychologists tell us that actors, athletes, musicians, businessmen, sales clerks, lawyers and doctors all seek love, all do whatever they believe will gain them love. Lonely people would do anything to be loved, withdrawn people crave love, maiden aunts look for love. What is it we must do?
Must we be loveable to be loved? And does loveable mean being the best? Is it necessary to be a star to be loved? Can only the handsome find love? Is success a prerequisite to love? Are millionaires more loveable than paupers? Must we be perfect to hear these words?
Must love always be reciprocated? Is there such a thing as unrequited love? Must love always be equal? Is there such a thing as asymmetrical love? These are the questions I ask myself.
I have concluded that the most important thing is to love. To be loved by your beloved would be wonderful but is not essential. In the case of love, it really is better to give than receive. This conforms to my definition of love. I believe that to love is to put the object of love first, to care more for another than for yourself. To insist on receiving love as a condition of love is to make love a bargain, to insist on a reward for having loved.
In one of my favorite operas, Andrea Chenier, a character says "believe in love, Chenier, you are beloved". I would turn this around and say "believe in love because you are able to love". I have concluded that to love, whether or not the object of our love returns the love, always gains us love. If we love another, we can love ourselves. And maybe our love of ourselves, our acceptance that we are worthy of love because we are able to love, is the most important thing after all.
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