INDEPENDENCE
I've always valued independence. I like people who don't cling, who have their own lives, who are able to take care of themselves. I like these traits in myself. I must warn, however, that independence can quickly lead to loneliness, isolation and withdrawal. Independence can be a strength, enabling us to function in the face of opposition, bad bounces and bad times, but it can also be debilitating, reducing our ability to connect with others, to use the strength of others in reaching our goals.
It's good to feel able to stand without assistance, to stand up to negative events and influences in our lives. It builds confidence to know that you can deal with problems and make your way without the support of others. But that doesn't mean that we should reject the support of others, the help that makes things easier. We want to be able to function alone but we'd rather not have to. We want to gain the support of others in living our lives, to receive emotional and intellectual assistance, in order to do the very best we can.
There's a difference between being alone and being isolated, between being strong and being stubborn, between being self-reliant and being disconnected from the rest of the world. I think stubbornness is a problem that drives others away and makes them doubt us but isolation is even worse: When we're isolated from others we not only are unable to receive help, we're unable to learn important lessons, lessons which would help us. Being disconnected is even more troubling when it leads to the inability to deal with other people.
I see the way now but it's a hard line to draw: Seek help, be willing to receive help, but preserve the ability to function without it. Support is good but we don't want to collapse without it. The strength of our convictions sometimes requires that we stand alone and it's laudable to do so in that circumstance. But don't confuse that situation with the more common one where support will help us achieve our goals. And, by the way, we can't help others if we've withdrawn from the fray. Be independent but stay connected.
12-9-02
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