ISTJ
Like many of you, I occasionally take on-line personality tests of various kinds and I'm usually surprised at how accurate the results seem to be. I recently took an on-line Keirsey test and the results matched my own self-image. They said I'm an ISTJ, the "elder". Among the values of an ISTJ are hard work, honesty, politeness and faithfulness. ISTJs also tend to resist unnecessary change. These are valued traits to me and I continuously work to develop and enhance these traits. I've written about these things here and I often think about how to encourage them.
Faithfulness has been on my mind lately. I've noticed some of the web journalists I read reporting on failures of their friends to remain faithful and I see faithlessness among various friends and acquaintances. We're all aware of recent cases where sworn agents of our country have engaged in spying for foreign powers. We see people failing to remain faithful to spouses, friends, colleagues, institutions. What does it take to remain faithful, whether to friends and family, to employers and co-workers? And is faithfulness something we should value?
It often takes an effort, a conscious exercise of will, to remain faithful to something or somebody. In all relationships we face distractions, momentary urges, which, if followed, will lead to faithlessness. It takes understanding of the relationships and honoring the implicit contract which defines the relationships. For example, it is implicit in the relationship with a friend that we will keep dates, that we will be supportive in times of trouble, that we won't backbite or mock. When we are unfaithful, we are not honoring the implicit contract. No one has to write down this contract, we all know these things. If we breach the contract, we not only can anticipate losing the friend, we can anticipate guilt, guilt which transcends the loss of friendship to create self-doubt months and years later.
Thinking about faithfulness as a contract to honor helps define the value of faithfulness. In business and in personal life, honoring contracts is important. If contracts are routinely dishonored, business will cease. The fear of being cheated by those who are not faithful to their contracts would make most people unable to do business. Similarly, in personal relationships, fear of unfaithfulness makes it impossible to trust, to enter into and carry on a relationship. When you are tempted to be unfaithful, think about the implicit contract. Decide whether the relationship is important to you, worthwhile to continue. If it is, avoid the guilt and remain faithful. If you can't or choose not to, terminate the relationship in an open and honest way. Then even the former friend will honor your honesty and you'll once again feel better about yourself.
4-23-01
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