LISTENING
I've been struck for some time by how many people are unable or unwilling to listen to someone else. Some impatiently interrupt before the speaker has completed his or her thought. Others don't interrupt but indicate their impatience by sighing or breathing loudly or tapping a finger or a foot. Still others look away, visibly ready to speak their piece at the earliest opportunity. However failure to listen is evidenced, the result is clear: The speaker quickly understands that the listener is not interested and the listener loses most of the potential value of the speaker's thoughts.
Now I don't mean to suggest that everything everyone says is worth hearing. I frequently hear words which are inappropriate or unnecessary, thoughts which demonstrate ill will, gossip, unkindness, words which hurt, words which are uninteresting. I sometimes wish the speaker would finish, sometimes so I can speak, sometimes so I can get away and do something else. But in all those situations I try to look for the best in what the speaker is saying and I'm sometimes pleasantly surprised by what I learn. And in all those situations, I try to be polite: I try to avoid showing impatience, I try to give the speaker a chance to get his or her thoughts out, I try to look him or her in the eye with a smile and respond appropriately.
Listening attentively (or if you can't be attentive, politely), accomplishes several things. First, and perhaps most important, there is something to learn from even the worst speakers, there is always a gem of truth to be gained, even if it's only what to avoid in our own speech. Second, most people fancy themselves interesting speakers and we make them feel better if we appear to concur in their self-image. Finally, as in so many issues of behavior, by behaving courteously, we make ourselves feel better, we are better people, we are nicer and kinder to our fellow human beings. And after all, that's the best thing we can do.
Some time in the future, I want to write about how listening applies to group situations, such as concerts, movies and the like. But for now, suffice it to plant the idea that listening is one of the nicest things you can do for others and yourselves.
1-29-01