LOOKING FORWARD
Razumov in Conrad's Under Western Eyes states that "looking forward was happiness - that's all - nothing more...." The more I think about life the more I agree with him. It's another way of saying that happiness doesn't result from achieving something but from trying to achieve something, from the process, not attaining the goal, from the game, not the winning. We've all known people who have achieved their life goals but find themselves empty, forlorn, unhappy. And we've all known people who don't enjoy what they're doing but believe that if they succeed in obtaining some reward from it it will all be worthwhile. Then when they get the reward they look back on an uncomfortable life, sometimes a wasted life.
We all find ourselves doing things which we don't enjoy. In school, at work, in life generally, there are things we have to do, things we must complete to move on to something else, hurdles to surmount, intermediate goals leading to more important goals. These things may temporarily discomfort us, make us impatient or bored, make us unhappy. But when everything we do makes us unhappy, when our life's work is unpleasant, then there's something wrong which must be corrected.
Correction of this problem is simple in concept but difficult in practice. Once we've invested time and effort in an occupation or pursuit, we're reluctant to give up. Also, we convince ourselves that things will be better. No matter how pessimistic we are normally, we find optimism when it comes time to change something in our lives. But often the optimism is not directed to a changed focus, a new job or profession, new friends- it's directed to the thing that is making us unhappy. We convince ourselves that if we just keep doing what we're doing, everything will be all right.
Unfortunately, unhappiness rarely just goes away. If you're unhappy, you need to do something. Maybe you can fix the problem in the context of your existing pursuits. If so, fix the problem. Be decisive and positive about the necessary changes and get them made. But all too often, a complete change is needed. If so, make the change. Don't wait until the end of your life to discover it's too late, unhappiness is your permanent condition.
You don't waste your life trying to do the right thing, you waste your life by doing the wrong thing. When you do the wrong thing, no reward is enough, no prize is big enough. You'll be unhappy. Make the necessary changes, look forward to better things and enjoy the process. Then you can be happy whether you ever receive any reward, whether you ever reach your goal. Happiness is goal enough.
3-19-01
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