LOVE
I often think about the meaning of love. Is it pure emotion or is there an intellectual component? Is it pure chemistry or is there an element of experience, of learning to love? Is it the same when we speak of loving a friend, a game, a pet, as when we speak of loving a wife or husband, a boy or girlfriend, a child?
I see many examples of love: the familial, the romantic, the intellectual, the learned. The examples I see which are the most obvious seem to me automatic, to "come with the territory", to be inborn in some sense. It's as if a person was born to love in exactly that situation. But there are other examples of love: The love that develops from long observation of good conduct, long association. The love of family, the comfort of genetic ties. The love which is logical, the thought that I should love, therefore I do. The romantic attraction, the overpowering feelings which demand closeness.
I see religious love, the love of our God, the love of goodness, of morality. I see the love of sport, of competition, of exercise, of intellectual pursuits. I see the love of dogs and cats, the love which is sometimes the most powerful and unconditional. I see unrequited love, the love which is one-sided, sometimes obsessive. I see false love, love which reveals itself to be mere infatuation, momentary and fleeting. I see the love of humanity, I see the love of intellectual constructs, such as the love of freedom. I see the love of life, the joy we're able to feel in being alive. I see the love of nature.
I don't reject any of these examples of love. I believe all these examples are powerful, valid, worthwhile ways of learning about life, of interacting with others. But none of these examples fully answer my quest for a universal definition. I've concluded that the one definition which encompasses all these examples is acceptance. Love is the willingness to overlook foibles, mistakes, errors in judgment, even hurtful conduct. Real love continues through insults, bickering, disagreements, absences, differences of all kinds. Real love doesn't depend upon physical attraction, constant contact, intellectual constructs or codes of conduct. Real love is there no matter what the obstacles, no matter what the differences, no matter what the pain.
This is an occasion where I have no recommendations, no moral to the story. Love is either there or not. But I do think it's worthwhile to examine our feelings and where they come from. I do think love is an emotion to hope for, to look for because love betters us, makes our lives better. And love is something to enjoy when we find it. Maybe questions like mine are self-defeating. Don't analyze love, revel in it when you find it.
9-25-00
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