The New Yorker + vacation notice
The New Yorker magazine is one of my favorites. It includes articles about interesting things I never thought about before, articles about people I know something about and people I know nothing about and wonderful cartoons. Once in a while it includes a satirical piece and I always enjoy these pieces as well. In a recent issue, the magazine included a parody of a New York City parking ticket which included such "violations" as Jersey plate, violator asked questions and traffic agent's pen out of ink. As I understood it, all of the violations were intended to illustrate how tough New Yorkers are and how silly some of the parking rules are. But the "violation" that struck me as the funniest was "Reminder: Being nice to a traffic agent may result in a sweet-talking fine of $65."
I know that there are people in New York and elsewhere who react to kindness and courtesy with hostility, who have a hard time accepting that someone might be nice to them without expecting something in return.. It's always a sad thing to see. It means that their hearts are so hardened, their minds so closed, that they mistrust everyone they encounter. They assume that if anyone is nice he or she must have an ulterior motive, must be trying to gain an improper advantage. It also means that people who must deal with them are sure to come away with negative feelings and that, eventually, people will reciprocate their attitudes, will cease trying to be nice, will mistrust them. That's how discourse is debased, civility is lost, courtesy goes by the boards. Even the most saintly among us lose patience with people who are perpetually sour, who cannot accept courtesy and respond with courtesy, who are always expecting the worst from the people they meet.
I urge the opposite approach. Let's be kind and courteous to everyone we meet, let's be patient with the unhappy and rude people we meet, let's trust. In my experience, if we expect good things from people we'll get them. If we're nice to people, they'll be nice to us. I ran across an interview with an immigration officer in an Asian country who noted that many people, especially English-speaking people, were rude and abusive to him and his fellow officers and how much easier it would be for everyone if people remained calm and courteous. Let's make that our rule of life: We'll always be calm and courteous, we'll approach others with kindness and trust. We may occasionally be forced to abandon this approach but most of the time we will all be better off.
9-8-03
[I'm heading for another vacation (!) and will not be able to publish a column for the next two weeks. I'll be back on September 29 with a report on what I learned in Portugal.]
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