NICE
I've continually advocated being nice. I think you can't lose by being nice. Being nice to people is usually well-received and helpful, improving other people's moods, making them more comfortable. I also believe we feel better about ourselves if we're nice. However, I've also long recognized that being nice can be viewed as weak, wishy-washy, easy to walk over. I still feel that nice is good but a recent newspaper column by Jane Ganahl gave me something to think about.
Ms. Ganahl says that nice is the kiss of death to any romantic thoughts she might have. She wants someone who is "exciting and edgy, yet kind of heart and gentle of nature." I had many different thoughts when I read this. First, I asked myself if the combination she wants is possible. Can one be nice (kindhearted and gentle natured) and edgy? Second, I asked myself if people view nice as the kiss of death to less intimate relationships. Is it more difficult to make friends if one is nice? Finally, I asked myself, if one can be both nice and exciting, how to do it.
Is there something about being nice that prevents one from being interesting? I guess it depends on definitions. What does it mean to be interesting? Is it doing interesting things, exciting things? If so, nice people can qualify. Or does it mean being complex, difficult to know and understand, a little disengaged? Maybe there's something about these qualities which is inconsistent with nice. I'm having a hard time figuring this out.
I've lately been paying more attention to people's use of the word and I still don't quite get it. People say "that was nice" or "she's a nice person" or "nice shot" without a lot of intensity or strength. Maybe that's the problem; nice suggests something we like but don't love, something we admire without much conviction, something not bad but not really good. It suggests bland,
Are nice, good people too bland to experience romance or good friendships? Must they accept a life without excitement, without intense relationships? Or was Ms. Ganahl saying she wants a nice person with other qualities? Maybe she means a nice person who keeps her guessing, a nice person who will surprise her, a nice person with exciting hobbies. Yes, I think that's it. Nice is good but the nice people need also to do fun things, join in interesting pursuits, participate in something. And that matches my idea that nice is good. We have to start with nice but understand that it's not everything. Nice is not enough. The other things we must do to interact successfully with people are still essential: conversation, hobbies, group activities, having fun. But a person who succeeds at these things while continuing to be nice is still ahead.
Be nice but don't stop there. Also have fun and do interesting things. Then you will gain the successful interpersonal relationships we all need.
5-27-02
[This was a great week in the annals of my shoulder updates. The surgeon approved swinging a golf club again and two more months of therapy to help me gain strength and stamina. I hit a small bucket of balls at the driving range and, while I didn't hit perfect shots, I hit good, straight shots and experienced no pain. Now I'm even more determined to work and grow in strength and get to the point where I don't even think about my shoulder. I'll keep you posted.]
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