Offers
I often think back to mistakes and missteps I've made in my life. I think of taking the wrong fork in the road, of wrong directions, of mistakes of various kinds. I think of good times missed because of hedonophobia. But nothing stands out in my mind like the various offers I should have accepted and didn't. Now I know that decisions are always easier to make with the benefit of hindsight but I still believe that I should have accepted many of the offers that came my way over the years. I followed my own advice in looking for opportunities I could seek on my own but then I didn't accept offers that others made to me. Why?
I can see at least two reasons. One reason is that the offers were hidden or unclear, at least to me at the time. I can see now that offers were made but at the time I didn't understand. I've always been a direct person. I've tried to speak clearly, some even call me outspoken, so I assumed others acted in the same way. Only recently can I see that others are more subtle, more indirect in their approaches. I can also see now that I wasn't looking for others to make offers. I assumed that I had to make my own opportunities, that I needn't look for help from others. In retrospect, I can see that I was closed to the efforts of others to help me.
The second reason, though, is the more important one. I've always been shy and, in this context, shyness made me assume that I was misunderstanding offers, that I wasn't worthy of offers. I was afraid of accepting offers because they might not have been offers, because they might have been mere pleasantries. I was afraid of appearing too forward, of making myself appear foolish. I also think that shyness includes the fear of rejection and that my fears lead me to refuse offers even when I believed they were real. I think I was afraid that I would ultimately be rejected so why begin.
If I could help others in any respect, I would persuade them to be open and accepting of the offers that come their way. I would convince them to try more new things, to seek offers and accept them when made. I would explain that the best way to assure rejection is to withdraw from relationships before they begin.
When I see the young people around me tentatively learn to trust I realize that trust is a key characteristic that the shy never acquire. Learn to trust, overcome shyness and accept offers. You may be surprised by the rewards that come your way.
12-13-04
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