RIP ALLY MCBEAL + Shoulder Update
I read that Ally McBeal's 5-year run is ending May 20 and I was sad. It happens a lot that tv shows I enjoy are cancelled. Sometimes I feel that I must be the only one watching. What is it that makes me enjoy shows that fail to attract a larger audience? But more importantly, why do I continue to enjoy shows that have changed, that have become tired, even where my favorite characters have left the show? It's the same with people. Once I regard someone as a friend there's almost nothing he or she can do to change that. Once a friend in my eyes a friend for life.
Unfortunately, it's also true that I tend to dislike someone based on an early dislike for him or her. So often, no matter how people change, no matter how nice they are after the initial meeting, I don't regard them as friends. Just as change in my views of a friend is difficult, change in my views of someone I dislike comes very slowly and with great difficulty. I wonder what flaw in me makes it so hard to accept changes in people. Is it that I form my views too early or too quickly or is it that I simply resist change?
Maybe it's that my memory is too good. I rarely forget the good things people do or the bad. I don't bear grudges, I don't have continuous animosity toward those I dislike, I don't seek revenge for real or fancied slights but I don't forget. My early impression tends to be permanent. It's more than to say that first impressions are important, it's that first impressions tend to be all-important to me. It applies to the good and the bad so it's not some deep-seated hostility or dislike for people generally.
Maybe it's that there is some element in everyone that calls up images, good and bad, past and present. Is this element what people call chemistry? When I read of the importance of chemistry in intimate personal relations, I think it must apply to all relationships. I also think that we unconsciously remember things about people who were nice to us (or not) at an early age; I think we hold those things for or against people we meet in later life. I once had a dog who was kicked by a burglar wearing khaki pants. For the rest of his life, the dog barked and growled at anyone wearing khaki pants. My theory is that it's the same with people: If we meet a woman or man wearing certain clothes or certain perfumes or having some other characteristic we retain from when we were younger, whatever we thought of the first woman or man forms our impression of the new woman or man. I for sure can say that words or manner of speech cause impressions to form in me unrelated to the person I'm dealing with. They must be related to people I knew in childhood.
Maybe I'm trying to excuse my guilt at stereotyping people I meet. If they look or act like someone else I know, I assume they're like the person I already know. If that's the answer, I feel bad about it. Stereotyping, consciously or unconsciously, is a simple failure to think, a failure of tolerance, a failure of my most cherished ideal: to be nice to other people. I suppose it helps when the stereotype is a favorable one but that's no excuse.
I think I've found the answer: Think and don't let past images form your current view of people (or tv shows). Evaluate the people and situations you encounter for themselves. And when things change, re-evaluate. Then we can eliminate stereotyping and, perhaps more importantly, we can learn how to change other things.
5-6-02
[My shoulder continues to improve, although I occasionally have scares where I think I tried to do too much. I got a new training aid for my putting and it demonstrates how long it's been. My putting stroke has deteriorated along with my unused muscles. However, I remain optimistic and intend to keep working as long as it takes to regain full function. But I hope it's soon.]
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