SECOND BIRTHDAY
August 9 was the second birthday of the Internet Grandfather. It seems strange to think of a grandfather having a second birthday but I often feel like a two-year old these days. When I think about how much I've learned the last two years and how much I have yet to learn, to learn about people, places, situations, myself, I feel like a two-year old child in that everything is interesting to me, even that everything is new. The greatest benefit to me from writing these columns is the new look I give to everything, the child-like pleasure I take from the simplest things, in part because I look at everything with a view to a possible column.
The most pleasurable things about watching a child grow are the eagerness to learn, the pleasure in every new sight or sound, the delight of exploration and discovery, discovery of him or herself and the outside world. That's the way I feel in writing these columns: In thinking about myself and the outside world, I'm constantly surprised by how much I've learned. Trying to write down my thoughts and feelings, many of which I've kept buried or unformed during so many years, has led to new understanding, new sympathy, new empathy.
I began to write these columns because of what I read in on-line journals. I saw the journalists, universally much younger than I am, repeating the same mistakes I made when I was young. After a lot of reading, I began to think that they needed a grandparent to warn them. I wanted to be their cyber-grandparent, a non-judgmental, caring cyber-grandparent, who would use experience and thought to help them avoid some of these mistakes. I thought that if I could convince them to listen to me, I could make their lives better than mine.
I've had a few successes, a few people who've e-mailed me to let me know I helped them in some way, whether in helping them think through a problem or in encouraging them, in sparking a new interest or in rediscovering the joy of some pursuit. I've had a few failures too, people who wrote angry or disappointed e-mails, people who, to my mind, missed the meaning of my columns. Given my approach and goals, why would anyone be angry with me?
I now understand why so many on-line journalists take pains to say that they write for themselves. Whatever help my words may be to others, they've been more helpful to me. I now understand myself much better, I see my mistakes more clearly, I see the risks and rewards of choices I've made in better perspective. Hindsight is always clearer than foresight, but even given that, I understand more about the past.
Most importantly, however, I look forward with more optimism. I want to see how the unfolding stories of my favorite on-line journalists turn out. I want, even more fervently, to help as best I can to make other people's lives better or easier or, at least, less painful. We're all the sum of our lives but writing these columns has been the most important phase of my life in terms of understanding. Thanks to my readers and thanks to the internet for bringing this opportunity.
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