SECRET HANDSHAKES
A recent newspaper article reminded me of the problem of cliques. The article speaks of the cliques that spring up in offices, even in different parts of an office, but the problem comes up in every group, even groups of modest size. A clique is defined as a small, exclusive group, so it might seem an innocent thing to form a clique. Any club, any group formed to advance mutual interests, might fit within this definition. But the word connotes narrow thinking, an unfortunate clannishness, a refusal to respect others. People create secret handshakes to keep other people out. And that's where the problem comes: Cliques form to avoid associating with others who might be helpful, to avoid listening to others, to prevent others from advancing their interests.
I suppose that in a world of conflict, of aggression, of ambition, like the one we live in today, it's not surprising that people would try to get a leg up by excluding others. It's unfortunate but obvious, maybe even natural, that when people are afraid for themselves they seek to wall off competitors or potential competitors, to keep others from succeeding, to make themselves feel better by making others feel worse. But that approach fails for many reasons: For one, it's unkind, not worthy of a good person. For another, it eliminates your own individuality, you begin to take on the characteristics of the clique, you rise and fall as a group. But most importantly, you miss out on the contributions of other people.
It might seem a cliche but everyone's contribution is important to reaching the best result, in achieving goals, in any context. Even the contributions of the wrong-headed, the uninformed, the incompetent, can help us. Even if the only result of a contribution is to confirm our existing plan, to emphasize our own skill, the contribution was worthwhile. More commonly, the other people we talk to have good ideas, worthwhile ideas, useful things to think about. The other people, who we might otherwise exclude by cliquishness, help us achieve our goals. Moreover, we make the other people feel better and add to their lives by the respect we show their contributions.
Please don't form or be a part of cliques. They hurt the members of the clique and the people who are excluded.
2-10-03
Home Page 2003 Archives 2002 Archives 2001 Archives 2000 Archives 1999 Archives