SHY
My dictionary tells me that to be shy is to be bashful, retiring, timid, hesitant, to lack confidence, to avoid close association with others. We've all known people we call shy, people who show these characteristics. I'm a shy person and I've certainly demonstrated these traits at various times in my life. But I've also overcome this problem at other times to the point where few people would call me shy today. How did I do it? Or did I really do it?
I learned at an early age that a shy person makes many people uncertain and hesitant in their dealings with the shy person. People "walk on eggs" around a shy person. In order to deal with people, therefore, it is important not to show the signs of shyness, to demonstrate, at least outwardly, feelings of confidence. We can solve some but not all of the problems of shyness by creating a mask, a mask of confidence, of bonhomie, of good feeling about others. But the feelings remain; underneath the mask the shy person is still timid with others, is still retiring.
So how do we avoid the feelings? I sometimes think that we shouldn't try to change our feelings, that there is benefit in accepting our feelings and dealing with this problem solely on the external level. After all, shy people tend to be more sensitive to feelings, including the feelings of others. Shy people rarely become belligerent or hurtful as the outgoing sometimes do. And timidity is sometimes another word for caution, for good judgment in avoiding reckless conduct.
I think that if we want to deal with people in a constructive way, we must adopt the mask, we must hide our shyness. But we can take heart from the fact that the mask can lead to reality, demonstrating confidence can lead to confidence, showing good feelings can lead to actual good feelings. If we pretend we aren't shy, it often happens that we no longer are.
We must also confront our feelings: We must try to eliminate the negative thoughts that lead to shyness without losing the sensitivity which often accompanies shyness. If you can be confident of your own worth, you won't need to fear close association with other people, you'll no longer be timid. This is the best way to stop being shy.
1-24-00
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