STANDARDS (Courage, Part2)
Virtue: Virtue is goodness, living one's life to ethical standards. Just as I will occasionally write about the seven deadly sins, I also want to write about the other side, the seven cardinal virtues. My guide to this is James Stalker's The Seven Cardinal Virtues. Stalker was a Scottish minister who wrote in 1902. His message is truly timeless: The things he says are as relevant today as in 1902.
Stalker discusses one aspect of courage which is very important to us today: the courage to look at yourself, your own inner being, honestly and without flinching. This reminded me how hard it is for people who have high standards to look inward and accept themselves as they are. People who try to maintain high standards are usually most demanding of themselves; they are rarely satisfied with their own performance and, although they may be generous and forgiving to all those around them, they often criticize themselves harshly for their own failures. Moreover, they usually find fault with their own performance even when objectively they have met the highest standards.
I've recently noticed some examples in the journals I read, journals written by young people with high moral standards, a strong desire to achieve and, often, many hurdles in the way of their goals. One common element is a self-critical attitude. While others may envy them their successes, they look at themselves and find themselves wanting. While I understand how this attitude can spur people to further achievement, keep them going when they might otherwise reduce their efforts, it is ultimately too painful and defeating to continue to treat oneself this way. If you never believe you have succeeded, you will never reward yourself for your efforts. If you treat even minor failures to adhere to your standards as outweighing your virtues, you will always feel yourself unworthy.
Self-examination has two parts. Yes, we should look inside ourselves and test our behavior, our goals, our progress. And yes we must continuously strive to be better people, to do our best to set and meet high standards for ourselves. But we must also be honest in this self-examination, we must accept our successes, our virtues, as well as our failures and sins. Please remember that we will all fail to meet our standards on occasion, we will all miss our targets sometimes. This is not failure. The existence of high standards and sincere effort to meet them are successes. Enjoy these successes. Compliment yourself. Accept your defects and try to do better without punishing yourself. You deserve to enjoy your life.
7-31-00
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