Treehouses
Marilyn Vos Savant was asked a question about treehouses: Why do girls want to enter boys' treehouses, even if they have treehouses of their own, but then refuse to enter when invited? She answered that it's an example of dissatisfaction between the sexes, no matter what the age. She points out that soon after the age when boys don't want to socialize with girls they beg girls to join them. But she notes that after that stage comes another age when boys don't want the girls around. She opines that dissatisfaction of the sexes with one another is a natural part of development at any age. I don't know whether it's dissatisfaction between the sexes or the old problem of not wanting the available, which is not limited to interaction between the sexes, or something else, but it's a common occurrence.
I see this phenomenon at parties and other social gatherings, at athletic events, in the workplace. Men in one corner and women in another has become a cliche. Mens' and womens' clubs are a common thing. Yet we deny it and base our rules of fairness on the premise that men and women want to join one another's clubs, sit together, work together harmoniously. It makes me wonder whether our efforts to treat women fairly in the workplace are doomed to failure. If the natural order is that men and women are always dissatisfied with one another how will we get along, how will we achieve the best result for the common good?
Many of our institutions have imposed requirements that the sexes work together, laws require the sexes to include each other in social groups and various agencies and equality of the sexes is a common goal. Are these efforts to bring the sexes together successful only on the surface, is resentment disguised, so that discontent is the real result? If the sexes are really happier working and playing without the other, should we accept it and accomodate segregation? Should we abandon years of effort to reward both sexes according to their skills and accomplishments?
I find that women in my workplace are at least equal to men and I find myself wanting to join women in social situations. I've tried to theorize why other men disagree with me and have developed complicated answers, usually based on history rather than current reality, to these questions. Should I have, instead, just thought about treehouses?
The answer is that focusing on differences will always produce worse results, whether in sports, work or social situations. If we recognize the things we have in common and seek to appreciate everyone, without regard to sex, we will achieve the best results as a group. We need to accept differences where truly relevant, such as where sheer physical strength is involved. But let's be sure we know what is truly relevant and not fall back into outmoded patterns of discrimination.
If we can treat people as individuals, avoiding stereotypes, we will all be better off. This is another example of helping ourselves and others at no cost. Look at skills and accomplishments in dealing with others and we'll make others feel better and we'll feel better about ourselves. And, by the way, we can enjoy the company of the opposite sex if we let ourselves. Boys, let the girls into the treehouse and girls, don't avoid the treehouse once the boys let you in.
7-28-03
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