WUTHERING HEIGHTS
I recently watched Wuthering Heights on Masterpiece Theatre. I had read the book as a schoolboy and had seen other dramatizations but I hadn't thought about the story for years. I was struck by the amount of pain which strong emotions can cause if not tempered by . . . respect for self and others? self-control? reality? Strong emotions are part of life. They make life pleasurable, exciting, worthwhile, fulfilling and so forth. But strong emotions have an ugly obverse: love and hate, desire and revenge, respect and fear.
How do we experience strong emotions without experiencing the ugly side of the same emotions? What is the correct reaction to unrequited love? Kathy's husband reacted to her lack of love for him with passive resentment. What is the correct reaction to forbidden love? Heathcliff reacted with burning resentment. What is the correct reaction to hurt? Heathcliff reacted with vengeance. Is it even useful to think about these things? Do we control our reactions? Or are we on auto-pilot once we experience strong emotions?
There is little doubt that self-control helps. But the strength of these emotions tests the self-control of the saintly, tries the inner strength of all of us. Recognition of reality doesn't help because the emotions constitute reality, create a new reality.
I think that the key to avoiding the ugly is some combination of self-respect and respect for others. If we respect ourselves, we will understand that we have everything we need within ourselves. For example, we will react to unrequited love with understanding and acceptance and seek love elsewhere, even if the loved one appears the perfect mate, perhaps the only one in the world. Respect for ourselves tells us that others will love us and if they don't we have the resources within us to survive. If we love ourselves, we can accept the hurtful conduct of others because we know we are stronger: We can survive whatever others dish out, we can react to hurt with healing. We will not resent situations and people but change what we can and live with what we cannot. If we truly understand ourselves, we can live with denial of the conditions we seek because we will know how to obtain those conditions in some other way, following some other path, or if not, we can still survive and find other worthwhile goals.
If we respect others we will be unable to hate or seek vengeance. We will value other people for the way they are. We will recognize the role of emotions in their lives and treat them kindly. We will have the beginning of wisdom.
Don't avoid strong emotions but let self-respect and respect for others temper them.
11-1-99